| A short poem | |
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Mussirus Italia Ferrari
Posts : 479 Prestige : 5980 Verve-Fame : 94 Join date : 2010-01-05 Age : 31 Location : Holland
| Subject: A short poem 1/6/2010, 6:28 pm | |
| Here's a short poem that i wrote:
Sometimes, when you feel like it's not worth it anymore Then just think of all the good times that we had.
More good times will come more battles will be won So cheer up Don't be so sad.
Believe me when i say That it's gonna be alright. This is going to be over soon. Just believe me when i say That everything will be alright Just hold on. Hold on tight. | |
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Jomadx Like a Boss!
Posts : 1152 Prestige : 6912 Verve-Fame : 233 Join date : 2009-11-26 Age : 34 Location : North Carolina
| Subject: Re: A short poem 1/6/2010, 7:18 pm | |
| i like this one..idk it's kind of depressing for my tastes but that doesn't mean it still wouldn't be popular with others. I don't think tight fits in with it at the end..maybe change that to somethin' else? | |
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Fiaman Bangkok
Posts : 822 Prestige : 6465 Verve-Fame : 143 Join date : 2009-12-21 Age : 33 Location : Charlotte
| Subject: Re: A short poem 1/6/2010, 7:26 pm | |
| Yea good poem, i understood perfectly jomad. | |
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Mussirus Italia Ferrari
Posts : 479 Prestige : 5980 Verve-Fame : 94 Join date : 2010-01-05 Age : 31 Location : Holland
| Subject: Re: A short poem 1/7/2010, 6:38 am | |
| Well, i think i'll leave the ending as it is. However, i did come up with some new sentences for the ending:
Just hold on, to end your fright. - Sleep well and good night. (this would change the whole scenario of the poem) - Don't let your troubles lose your sight. | |
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Jomadx Like a Boss!
Posts : 1152 Prestige : 6912 Verve-Fame : 233 Join date : 2009-11-26 Age : 34 Location : North Carolina
| Subject: Re: A short poem 1/7/2010, 10:01 am | |
| i like the second end better | |
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Trayxhiddenxinxthexshadow 0.01K+ Cherry!
Posts : 10 Prestige : 5235 Verve-Fame : 3 Join date : 2009-12-18 Age : 33 Location : Where your NOT!!
| Subject: Re: A short poem 1/7/2010, 3:45 pm | |
| Its cool. Its short n cool. I like it. | |
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Fiaman Bangkok
Posts : 822 Prestige : 6465 Verve-Fame : 143 Join date : 2009-12-21 Age : 33 Location : Charlotte
| Subject: Re: A short poem 1/8/2010, 7:09 pm | |
| Me too but still an original is the original, anything else is just a alternate. | |
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FallNsparrow 0.01K+ Cherry!
Posts : 17 Prestige : 5251 Verve-Fame : 6 Join date : 2009-12-18 Age : 33 Location : B-town
| Subject: Re: A short poem 1/17/2010, 9:27 pm | |
| I like it. A lot. Although it could use some higher language. | |
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Mussirus Italia Ferrari
Posts : 479 Prestige : 5980 Verve-Fame : 94 Join date : 2010-01-05 Age : 31 Location : Holland
| Subject: Re: A short poem 1/18/2010, 3:02 pm | |
| - FallNsparrow wrote:
- I like it. A lot. Although it could use some higher language.
Well, my English is pretty basic, because it's not my native language. But thanks | |
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Fiaman Bangkok
Posts : 822 Prestige : 6465 Verve-Fame : 143 Join date : 2009-12-21 Age : 33 Location : Charlotte
| Subject: Re: A short poem 1/18/2010, 8:50 pm | |
| - MH16 wrote:
- FallNsparrow wrote:
- I like it. A lot. Although it could use some higher language.
Well, my English is pretty basic, because it's not my native language. But thanks well its good not all poetry needs extensive vocabulary, if that was the case a lot of people might not understand the whole concept and the direction the poem is actually headed in. | |
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logic Magic bricks
Posts : 604 Prestige : 5973 Verve-Fame : 24 Join date : 2010-01-07 Age : 33
| Subject: Re: A short poem 1/18/2010, 9:23 pm | |
| I like it, It has a depressing but reassuring tone to it. Keep fighting the good battle | |
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| A short poem | |
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