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 A short poem

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Mussirus
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PostSubject: A short poem   1/6/2010, 6:28 pm

Here's a short poem that i wrote:

Sometimes, when you feel like
it's not worth it anymore
Then just think of all the good times
that we had.

More good times will come
more battles will be won
So cheer up
Don't be so sad.

Believe me when i say
That it's gonna be alright.
This is going to be over soon.
Just believe me when i say
That everything will be alright
Just hold on. Hold on tight.
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Jomadx
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PostSubject: Re: A short poem   1/6/2010, 7:18 pm

i like this one..idk it's kind of depressing for my tastes but that doesn't mean it still wouldn't be popular with others. I don't think tight fits in with it at the end..maybe change that to somethin' else?

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Fiaman
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PostSubject: Re: A short poem   1/6/2010, 7:26 pm

Yea good poem, i understood perfectly jomad.

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Mussirus
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PostSubject: Re: A short poem   1/7/2010, 6:38 am

Well, i think i'll leave the ending as it is.
However, i did come up with some new sentences for the ending:

Just hold on, to end your fright.
-
Sleep well and good night. (this would change the whole scenario of the poem)
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Don't let your troubles lose your sight.
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PostSubject: Re: A short poem   1/7/2010, 10:01 am

i like the second end better Wink

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Trayxhiddenxinxthexshadow
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PostSubject: Re: A short poem   1/7/2010, 3:45 pm

Its cool. Its short n cool. I like it. What a Face
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PostSubject: Re: A short poem   1/8/2010, 7:09 pm

Me too but still an original is the original, anything else is just a alternate.

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PostSubject: Re: A short poem   1/17/2010, 9:27 pm

I like it. A lot. Although it could use some higher language.
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PostSubject: Re: A short poem   1/18/2010, 3:02 pm

FallNsparrow wrote:
I like it. A lot. Although it could use some higher language.

Well, my English is pretty basic, because it's not my native language. But thanks Smile
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PostSubject: Re: A short poem   1/18/2010, 8:50 pm

MH16 wrote:
FallNsparrow wrote:
I like it. A lot. Although it could use some higher language.

Well, my English is pretty basic, because it's not my native language. But thanks Smile
well its good not all poetry needs extensive vocabulary, if that was the case a lot of people might not understand the whole concept and the direction the poem is actually headed in.

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PostSubject: Re: A short poem   1/18/2010, 9:23 pm

I like it, It has a depressing but reassuring tone to it. Keep fighting the good battle
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